After so many heart aches, years of disappointment, I still continue to dream when awake. I wish it was the other way but it never is.
In my sleep, why do I not dream of getting pregnant naturally? Why do I never dream that I'm having a full-term healthy pregnancy, delivering a very healthy baby who becomes the joy our- and many more- lives. In fact, I never see any baby around me in my dreams. I've never seen that I am a mother. I've seen myself sob when DH leaves me for work, when DH is away all day, gets home and starts working or watching TV again without much to do with me... I live it every day, and dream that. But I never see a baby in my dreams... My baby who'll be the center of my life, with whom I'll finally have a reason to smile, to live.. who'll grow up and shine, and make a name for her/himself.. Why? I've heard we often dream of what we have in our subconscious. So does that mean, I've lost hope? I don't see it happening? I hope not. I hope I do dream of all that too, but just don't remember it when I wake up each morning. I hope so, I pray so.
Once I'm up in morning, first thought, last for the night, and all the thoughts between are centered around baby. To start this blog I created a new email ID. The email ID is mamalovesyouthemost. mama... of whom? lovesyou- who? I first thought of writing separately every day for the baby, tell how much I was waiting to hold her/him. Telling the baby how desperately I wanted to see her/his dad's eyes moisten when he'll know it's happening. Tell the baby that every now and then, while typing each post, almost every line my tears fall on the laptop, and I wait for all of this to end.
There was a time I'd dream about what would we name our baby, if I conceive this cycle, what would be the approximate due date, what zodiac sign would that give my baby, and so on. It has mellowed down, a lot. I often dread to dream so much, though I occasionally do find myself getting excitedly dreamy about something concerning our baby. Who can resist the love and affection we feel when we look at those tiny clothes or the cute little socks? May be some can. But that's certainly not me.
In my sleep, why do I not dream of getting pregnant naturally? Why do I never dream that I'm having a full-term healthy pregnancy, delivering a very healthy baby who becomes the joy our- and many more- lives. In fact, I never see any baby around me in my dreams. I've never seen that I am a mother. I've seen myself sob when DH leaves me for work, when DH is away all day, gets home and starts working or watching TV again without much to do with me... I live it every day, and dream that. But I never see a baby in my dreams... My baby who'll be the center of my life, with whom I'll finally have a reason to smile, to live.. who'll grow up and shine, and make a name for her/himself.. Why? I've heard we often dream of what we have in our subconscious. So does that mean, I've lost hope? I don't see it happening? I hope not. I hope I do dream of all that too, but just don't remember it when I wake up each morning. I hope so, I pray so.
Once I'm up in morning, first thought, last for the night, and all the thoughts between are centered around baby. To start this blog I created a new email ID. The email ID is mamalovesyouthemost. mama... of whom? lovesyou- who? I first thought of writing separately every day for the baby, tell how much I was waiting to hold her/him. Telling the baby how desperately I wanted to see her/his dad's eyes moisten when he'll know it's happening. Tell the baby that every now and then, while typing each post, almost every line my tears fall on the laptop, and I wait for all of this to end.
There was a time I'd dream about what would we name our baby, if I conceive this cycle, what would be the approximate due date, what zodiac sign would that give my baby, and so on. It has mellowed down, a lot. I often dread to dream so much, though I occasionally do find myself getting excitedly dreamy about something concerning our baby. Who can resist the love and affection we feel when we look at those tiny clothes or the cute little socks? May be some can. But that's certainly not me.
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